It has been a long time since my last post. A very long time. This gap highlights my lacking ability to make personal time a priority. It generally goes girls (many tasks), work, manage the house (many tasks) , manage the budget (getting back in the game), work on mine and my husband’s partnership, other necessities, chores etc.. and if I can fit in “me” time in there somewhere it’s for maybe an hour every couple of weeks – and people wonder why I suck at friendships.
So AJ, how is she? Still no seizures – which is good. Some things have come up in the last week that have made me concerned and I have brought up to early intervention and will be brought up to her neurologist in December. She will have another EEG when she see’s him to make sure she still has a clean background. The consistent concerns have remained around auditory processing, very mild hypertonia/cp and sensory issues – the plan is the same however – watch her and catalog her progress and report at each major age her milestone accomplishments to see how well she is doing. She has a nurse, a physical therapist, pediatric neurologist and possibly an occupational therapist to help decide how well she is doing and what she needs next to keep her moving forward. I truly believe had I said nothing when she was 3wks, she would not be doing as well as she has been. I believe the monster I saw taking her away from me at the beginning would have never let me see the smile and laugh I see today. I am definitely proud that I have reached that point in my life, and my confidence, where I don’t necessarily give a crap what people necessarily think when I speak – and that I can say or do what needs to be said even if others think I might be crazy. 🙂
So…What does all of that have to do with the title of my blog post? Nothing. However the following does.
You may remember a few posts ago where I wrote about me collapsing in the shower with tears streaming down my face pleading to an unknown entity to take away whatever was taking away my little girl. God are you there? Since that time, and since my daughter’s improvement I felt it important to start down the path of going to church. The initial and main reason was so that my oldest, who is going to a catholic/christian elementary school, would have more teachings about Jesus since I knew she wasnt getting that learning experience, she needed, from me. I chose a congregational church because that is what I was baptized as and I prefer their very open and very flexible attitude towards people and religion. It is very much “here is what it says in the bible, here is our interpretation, now go make your own”.
The first Sunday I brought my oldest, something surprising and meaningful happened. One of the nurses who totally stole my heart when I was pregnant in the hospital for the two weeks after the first minor abruption, walked across the parking lot. The crazy thing is that she lives in the same town as me, right around the corner from me (literally) yet I never see her. The church is around 20 – 30 minutes away. Yet I saw her that day. You have no idea how much this person meant to me at the hospital – and I had all the good intentions of saying thank you by either going to the hospital or sending a gift to her and the few others that really made my stay comfortable. However there was my chance – there at church. So that was the 1st thing.
Next.. The pastor of the church had emailed me about a month ago after both my daughters and my husband were baptized at the church (very beautifully) to ask if we would like to become members. Personally, my first reaction was very much of confusion. Wasn’t I already? My daughter is going to Sunday School, I have gone to one function, helped out, offered tithing, been treated and treated others like friends – I just didn’t understand the question. So I asked, and his response was “Think of it like marriage”… so my next thought was “Well, I am not so sure I am ready for that kind of commitment again.” sort of tongue in cheek, sort of not since I am not sure where I (we) will be in a year (another post for another time). So I did what I always do, I googled it. I found that when you become a member, it means you get a vote in the congregation – you have a voice. This, I know is a very important option to have for Jesse and I, so I emailed him back and said “Yes.” A few hours later I got an email from their Director of Christian Education asking if we would like to take part in Advent and play the roles of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus – Aj of course being the latter. If you know me and know my dry sense of humor, you know I had to have a good chuckle out of this, and made a few jokes, but at the very same time was extremely humbled to be asked for my family to play those roles. I felt if there is some entity out there (yes I still do question this) this was one way of saying “thank you” for providing me the strength to protect and help my daughter continue to do well, so I said “yes”.
Then today.. a long time friend of my pings me out of no where and asks me if I remember a couple of people from a very long time ago that we knew from a group we belonged to called “EveryDay Angels” (EDA). She happened to notice when she watched a video of my daughter singing in the church choir that she was standing next to the daughter of two people I had known in EDA. These same two people happen to be the pastor (who looks very different now) and his wife (who looked so familiar it was driving me crazy – at least now I can stop staring at her). The three of us were completely blown away – the pastor’s wife and I chatted back and forth via FB for a while and she made me realize I have actually known of her for a very long time, pre-EDA.. meaning when I was in my teens-long-time.
So in summary deciding to go to church has:
- brought me together with the nurse (actually two, her partner as well) that meant so much to me
- is letting me have AJ play an instrumental being in the christian and catholic religion (as well as Jesse and I)
- brought two more people back into my life, and because we couldn’t remember each other – something that happened at the church provided my friend the trigger that brought it all together for us
It is very hard to sit here and not want to over analyze all of this and try to find the hidden meaning to all of this – does this mean someone/thing heard me cry that day in the shower – is that why AJ is doing so well? Is that why these things are happening? It is so very human to try to find connections. We all need to explain away coincidences.. for now I will be happy and amazed, not think too much about it and see where this path is going to take me.
Speaking of happy, here is something to end this with: “Twinkle Toes“